


Don't you know you shouldn't hike on Christmas Eve?

by sailsandanchors



Category: Spartacus Series (TV), Spartacus: Blood and Sand, Spartacus: Vengeance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M, everybody is alive and having grandkids, i don't care if it's silly, let us have this, unbetaed madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 23:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailsandanchors/pseuds/sailsandanchors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their decision to hike towards their holiday home on Christmas Eve goes horribly wrong. Fluff and silliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't you know you shouldn't hike on Christmas Eve?

**Author's Note:**

> To the loveliest friend a girl can have.

Crixus and Spartacus were old friends, if you could call them that.

Perhaps brothers would be a better fit.

Being part of the same unit has that effect on people.

They try their best to make the fact that they are still on speaking terms seem impossible despite the number of Christmas holidays they had spent together.

That Christmas Eve was no different and found them bickering underneath a pine tree, trekking up a mountainside. Tiny flakes of snow were beginning to fall around them and a small succession of friends and family was trailing not far behind.

"We follow the red markers to the second summit and then we take a right."

"No you stupid fuck! We were supposed to turn left, two markers ago. We haven’t seen any fucking markers for about a mile now."

"What the fucking hell are you talking about Crixus? We’re still on the red trail, didn’t you see the mark on that tree by the creek?"

"We passed that frozen creek a fucking hour and a half ago, you don’t know where you are! You should have let me take lead!"

"We wouldn’t even be having this discussion if you had remembered to pack a map!"

Crixus’ eyes narrowed and he grit his teeth, but whatever he was about to say was cut off by his wife’s angry whisper.

"Stop shouting before you cause an avalanche, you idiots!" Naevia said and rolled her eyes. She joined them, settling an arm around her husband’s waist. "We did just pass that creek, so if we’re heading to the lodge we should turn left at some point, right?"

Crixus beamed down at her and brought her closer to him, kissing her forehead. Spartacus bristled "No, we haven’t hit the edge of the forest yet which means we should follow the red trail and then..."

A loud rustle sounded as the skis Mira had insisted on carrying along, got caught up in a bush.

"I thought we weren’t going to take anymore breaks." Mira said, as she freed her equipment, letting it fall to the ground so she could rest her arms.

The men shouted "This isn’t a break!" in unison and continued squabbling. Naevia shot her an apologetic look.

"Boys are you okay back there?" Mira glanced behind her to Agron and Nasir, who were just coming up the path.               

Their quiet laughter died when they realised there was something wrong.                                          

"Is everything alright?" Nasir asked, slight concern in his eyes.

"Yes, we’re just... Does anybody have a map?" Spartacus said in a defeated voice.

"I think Agron has a map, right babe?" Nasir smiled at his boyfriend and Crixus grumbled.

"Oh yeah, the one you..." Agron looked down at Nasir and smirked. "Yeah, just a minute. He took off his backpack and rummaged around."

"Is this going to take much longer or do you want a knife?" Crixus barked.

"I’m apparently the only one that’s brought a map so how about you give me a moment?" Agron said, straining to not add colorful epithets to his words.

They all waited, huddled together, moving from foot to foot to keep warm, as Agron waded through layers of half folded clothes and scattered toiletries.

"Here!" He exclaimed finally, triumphantly pulling out a creased green pamphlet.

On the cover a group of cartoon animals grinned from under the bold red heading _Mountain Friends_. This had been handed out at the ski chalet to kids and apparently dimpled German adults. In the middle of it was a rather large illustration of the hiking trails in primary colors. It even had a part you could color in.

"You call that a map?" Crixus said, caught between wanting to explode in anger and laugh.

"Well it’s better than the map shaped pocket of air in your things, so shut up." Spartacus said, grabbing the pamphlet. Agron gave him a small nod of thanks.

"So..." Spartacus trailed his finger along a brightly colored red line. "We must be here." he said pointing to a spot next to a giant cartoon bear.

"No, we’re here." Crixus pointed to virtually the other side of the map.

"So what you’re saying is we’re lost?" Agron said, not catching Mira’s warning look in time.

"We’re not lost." Once again that seemed the only thing Crixus and Spartacus could agree on.

"They just appear to be having a hard time deciding where we are. We should have taken the road." Nasir murmured, rubbing gloved hands together.

"Getting lost in a forest with a storm coming in isn’t appealing to you?I could keep you warm." Agron winked.

"Watch it!" Crixus thundered.

"Oh give the boy a break." Spartacus said chuckling as his words made Crixus stare down Agron even harder.

"That’s alright for you to say. It’s not your son he has his hands on!"

"Father..." Nasir sighed. "Give it a rest. You already have us sleeping in different rooms and you threatened to kill him if he hurt me."

At this Crixus shrugged and glared at Agron "And don’t think that I won’t!"

Nasir moved between his father and Agron, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Yes father, you made that very clear while you were showing him your gun collection!"

Mira gasped in delight "He didn’t!"

"He even put him through one of his ridiculous obstacle courses! I bet he started planning it the minute I told him I was bringing a boyfriend home." Nasir grumbled.

"I thought he was warming up to me when he offered me a beer after lunch, but then he led me to the backyard and bet me I couldn’t go through this fucking insane monstrosity of nets and tires."

"You crazy bastard! Don’t tell me you timed him?" Spartacus shook his head. He didn’t have to ask. Crixus had been amazing at obstacle courses back when they were recruits. He didn’t think he was ever forgiven for breaking his record on the last day of training.

"He barely met academy standards." Crixus huffed.

"I’m surprised he hasn’t run for the hills." murmured Nasir, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I would never."  Agron said with a smile, circling his arms around Nasir’s waist and resting his chin on the top of his head.

"Yeah?" Nasir grinned, turning around.

And suddenly they were lost to the world, his father’s  angry muttering almost out of mind.

"Hands where I can see them!"

Almost.

Agron raised his hands above his head, but pressed his body flush against Nasir’s and started kissing up his neck.

Crixus’ eyes were about to pop out of his head and a vein on his forehead seemed to be getting dangerously prominent. Naevia walked up to her husband and tilted his head down so he was looking at her. "Let the boys be, love."

"He is molesting our son!" Crixus said, pointing an accusing finger in the general direction of the embracing couple.  He tried to move his head but Naevia held it firmly in place.

She shook her head. "Nonsense. Have you forgotten what you were like?" she reached up so she could whisper in his ear. "Or do you want me to remind you later?" she said and let out a breathy giggle when his hands flew to her waist and brought her closer.

"Then we better find that lodge." Crixus said. She kissed him and his self-satisfied smirk disappeared. It was a short kiss between two sets of cold, chapped lips, but he forgot all about his mission to protect his son’s innocence from tall oafs. He followed her over to Spartacus and Mira with a small smile.

In the absence of Crixus, Spartacus had found somebody else to be pissy at.

"You’re carrying skis Mira. Fucking skis! You could have given them to the girls since they had the good sense to leave in the car. Don’t pretend you weren’t all excited about..." he turned to Crixus. "What was it you said this was going to be? A nice hike?"

"Not enjoying yourself?" Crixus quirked an eyebrow. "Let’s move out of the forest and see if we can see where we are." he said and moved forward, not waiting for any arguments.

They made their way through the trees, the snow falling harder around them. By the time they cleared the forest everything was covered in white, including the tips of any hair peeking out of hats and hoods. Everyone was feeling miserable and not even the two intrepid leaders had the energy necessary to bicker.

"Hello!"

A faint figure called out to them from the distance. They could barely make him out in the snow.

"Are you lost?"

He approached them and as he came closer a small animal appeared to be struggling in his arms. He was quite a sight, covered head to foot in knitted wool and carrying a goat.

"We’re not lost, we’re just... Wait... I know you..." Crixus narrowed his eyes.

"Pietros?" Naevia asked, already smiling.

"Dr. Naevia, is that you?" Pietros asked with a bright smile.

Naevia went in to hug him, but the goat was in the way so she settled for a shoulder squeeze. "I’ve missed you so much since you transfered, I’m guessing you finally got your dream house." she said, stroking the goat’s forehead.

"Haha yeah, goats and all. This little one got itself lost. How about you?"

"I ended up marrying this one. Darling this is Pietros! Remember? The nurse who always took the night shift with me?"

"Of course, didn’t recognize you with all that on."

Naevia started making introductions. "You remember Spartacus and Mira... This is my son Nasir and his boyfriend..."

"Agron, pleased to meet you." he said, eager to move along and generate some warmth.

"We were making our way to a lodge, near the northern peak, if you can point us in the right direction." Spartacus said, barely able to cover the chatter of his teeth.

"I would but this is only going to get worse. Come with me and stay until the storm passes." Pietros said with a smile and it would have made half of them cry if they weren’t scared the tears would freeze on their face.

"We wouldn’t want to impose. It’s Christmas Eve, I’m sure you have other things planned." Spartacus said, not really meaning it as he was already walking closer to Pietros.

"There is no way you could make it before nightfall. And you really don’t want to get stuck out here in the dark. Come! Barca and I will be glad to have you."

Spartacus didn’t really know how glad the man would be to see him, never mind have him as a guest for the holidays, but Pietros had always been nice to him and the alternative was rather bleak.

"I knew it!" Crixus beamed. "I knew you two were going to be forever after I saw the way B looked at you. The fucker got himself injured on that mission and was refusing help. You remember?" he asked Spartacus. "And then you walked in all white and smiling and he shut up. Let you take care of him like a baby bird."

Pietros laughed. "He told me you kept pushing him to ask me out."

"Ha! He was the one that kept talking about you, he..."

They spent the journey to the home talking about the old days. Nasir thought it might have been the cold, because even though he had heard half the stories a million times each, he still laughed with the others.

They arrived at a snow covered house, surrounded by a wooden fence. Once they were all inside and the door safely shut behind them, Pietros let the baby goat free. It butted his leg and ran to a corner where it lay in a cushioned basket, bleating softly.

"Take your boots and things off here." Pietros said pointing to a corner of the entrance that already had a large pair of boots in it. "You can phone your friends and then we can figure out where everyone sleeps ok?"

"You’re an angel, Pietros." Naevia said, collapsing to the floor and taking of her rucksack and boots.

"Are you alright?" Crixus asked concern furrowing his brows.

"Sure sweetie, you move on ahead, I’ll just be a moment."

"I’ll stay behind too." Nasir said, so Crixus nodded and followed Pietros and Spartacus who were already moving down the hall.

"Honey, I’m home!" Pietros called out. "We’ve got visitors." The last word died in his mouth as a very tall, very naked man he called husband appeared from the bedroom.

The large man stopped in his tracks.

"Spartacus?"

"Hello."

It could have been awkward. Well, it was awkward, but thankfully Barca spotted Crixus coming in behind.

"Crixus! Where the devil are you doing here?" He came forward and shook his hand with a ready smile. Still naked.

"I could ask you the same thing." Crixus said. "But now I know." He tilted his head towards Pietros and then stared pointedly at him and his lack of clothes.

The tall man shrugged and nodded at this. Their eyes met and they started laughing patting each other on the shoulder. It didn’t feel like a single day had passed since they last parted ways.

Pietros cleared his throat.

"Barca dear, maybe you should go put something on?"

He didn’t say it harshly; his eyes were soft with fondness.  However, the uneasy urgency to his voice, made Barca focus all his attention on him, solemn once more.

"There are more people coming." he said and motioned towards Mira who was standing at the doorway, an expression of shock and awe on her face.

"Dr. Mira." Barca bowed his head towards her and then turned around, heading down a corridor that led to the bedroom.

"Well it’s certainly not cold in here!" Mira muttered, eyes still wide.

"Oh yes, it’s nice and warm." a completely oblivious Naevia said coming in behind her "What?" she asked confused, as people around her started laughing.

"Come, I’ll take you to the phone."

They each took turns on it after they had contacted their friends at the lodge and informed them of the situation.

Agron called Duro who was on his honeymoon and rushed to get off the line, leaving him looking a little hurt as he handed the phone over to the next in line. He sat on a couch next to Nasir and folded himself into a ball as Nasir rubbed small circles in the nape of his neck.

Varro was spending the holidays with Aurelia’s family. When Spartacus called, the screaming of children was so loud it escaped the telephone and filled the room. "You’re going to dress up as Santa?" Spartacus laughed, thinking of his friend’s growing belly. "Don’t sound so glib, you would be doing that too if you had the cutest granddaughter in the world. Yes sweetie, that’s you!" he said to an inquiring voice on the other end.

Everyone save Agron had left the room by the time it was Nasir’s turn. Something he was about to be rather thankful for. He called Chadara who answered with a loud "Hello!" swiftly followed by a "Have you had sex by a fireplace yet?" when he made himself known. He was very glad indeed his father had left the room as Agron decided to answer for him, by shouting "Yes, it was awesome but rug burn is the fucking worst." into the receiver and then disappearing out of the room. They talked some more in quieter tones. It had only been about a week, but he had missed her.

Mira appeared after a while at the door delivering the message that Pietros had made some mulled wine with honey and cinnamon. "You should come join us. It's so good..." she trailed off as she noticed he was still on the phone. "I’m sorry, that was rude of me."

She shouted "Merry Christmas!" to the stranger on the phone and left.

"Who was that?" Cadara whispered as if Mira could hear her. "She sounded hot!"

"One of Mum’s doctor friends..."

"A doctor! Ooooh!" Chadara giggled.

"Oh come on!" Nasir groaned. "She’s like twice your age!  He could feel her shrugging on the other end and smiled.

"I have to leave the phone babe." he said finally.

"Okay, have a great Christmas! I love you munchikin!"

"I love you too, take care! Merry Christmas!"  

He ended the call and got up. Outside the wind was howling and he swiftly made his way to the others, snuggling up to Agron as they sang Christmas carols and drank sweet wine.

 

 

**Epilogue**

Ilithyia sat on a couch facing the large window, looking out. A white storm was roaring and even though the fire was crackling in their large fireplace, she pulled the comforter she was wrapped in closer. A hand came from behind her and gently stroked her cheek. She smiled and leaned back.

"Crixus just called. Looks like they’re not going to make it."

"Well that’s a shame. Come, I’ve told the maid to put the plates out." Lucretia said, nudging her off the couch.

"You don’t seem at all surprised." The blonde said, her eyes narrowing in teasing interrogation.

"They’re probably at a goat farm."

"How could you know that?"

"I might have given Crixus the wrong directions." She pursed her lips and smiled.

Ilithyia started giggling.

"What?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"I gave Spartacus the wrong directions! I didn’t know the storm was going to hit, but I did want you alone for a little longer."

"Oh?" Lucretia smirked waiting for her to continue.

Ilythia reached into her back pocket and took out a small jewelry box. Lucretia smiled.

"Wait here!" She said and disappeared, leaving Ilithyia holding the ring she was about to propose with and wondering if it was such a good idea after all.

She reappeared, flushed from running, loose strands of red hair escaping her ponytail.

"Great minds think alike." she said and produced her own jewelry box.  

 

 


End file.
